Defending Charlie Sheen To TMZ

Charlie Sheen, after years of drug abuse and hooker dependency, was finally able to overcome and find great success not by getting clean, but by making these problems the basis of a fun-family sitcom. The American people found the playful take on this horrifying downward spiral of a confused, troubled derelict to be boisterously charming and cute. And when you add into the equation an impressionable twelve year to make joy lines at the expense of this sad story of a man, you get the #1 Most Watched Sitcom In America: Two and a Half Men.

Which is why I'm really surprised at TMZ's recent tirade on the world's most lovable sex offender. For the last two weeks, TMZ has been coming out with hilariously ridiculous story after hilariously ridiculous story, each one reporting Mr. Sheen's most recent crime against humanity. Charlie Sheen has been making the world a worse and worse place since the 1980's so the stories themselves are no surprises. However, this time TMZ is making me scratch my head. I'm not questioning the validity of these scoops, I'm surprised at the tone their taking. For the first time it seems as if they're actually CONDEMNING Mr. Sheen for his actions. And, quite frankly I don't get it.

Charlie Sheen has always been one of the few celebrities to get a consistent free pass during any sort of sex/drug scandal. Charlie Sheen could asphyxiate seventeen prostitutes during a money laundering scheme on a stolen yacht that was powered by pure uncut heroin, and the American public would just sigh, smile and say "Oh, Charlie Sheen. What am I going to DO with you?" Charlie Sheen is the only celebrity in which stories of sexual crimes and ecstasy trips actually HELP his image, rather than tarnish.

So where do you, TMZ, get off trying to all of a sudden instill morals into our society by making Charlie Sheen the bad guy? It's because of publications like yours glorifying his derelict behavior in the past that he has become a Network TV mega-star with absolutely no concept of morality in the first place. However now in 2011, TMZ's stories on Charlie have become more and more condescending. Consider the following post by TMZ:

"Charlie Sheen cannot be fired from "Two and a Half Men" for doing drugs, hiring hookers or any of his other antics ... because he doesn't have a "morals clause" in his contract, TMZ has learned.

Sources tell TMZ ... Charlie has never had a morals clause in his contract, which would allow Warner Bros. to fire him if he engaged in improper conduct that reflected badly on the show."

-http://www.tmz.com/2011/02/14/charlie-sheen-two-and-half-man-morals-clause-morality-drugs-cocaine-prostitutes/

Of course that's not in his contract, because doing drugs and hiring hookers is why CBS signed him to a contract in the first place. Don't make it seem like Charlie Sheen was shrewd enough to litigate such a clause against Paramount executives. PCP binges and attacking call-ladies with his penis is why CBS decided to build their entire Monday-night programming schedule around him in the first place.

In another article, TMZ writes:

"As we previously reported, Charlie hit up UCLA for some batting practice with a few major league buddies ... before giving an awesome anti-drug pep talk to the college team -- and the guy wasn't half bad. In fact, he almost hit a home run.

But "almost" ain't good enough for Charlie -- sources close to the actor tell us, he was distraught over his sub-par swinging skills ... so he made a beeline for the weight room and went back again today.

Who'da thunk Charlie would need help playing the field?"

-http://www.tmz.com/2011/02/11/charlie-sheen-baseball-swing-ucla-batting-practice-hit-the-gym-disappointed-swinger-bender-drugs

Lawl, TMZ. Seriously though, I don't understand this. Are you trying to say that Charlie's feeling a little bad about not being as good at baseball as Division 1 collegiate was induced by some sort of drug-crazed fit? For real, TMZ, this is some pretty lazy reporting. Charlie Sheen defiles a woman every 34.2 seconds -- which coincidentally is the exact mathematical rate that children are attacked by bears -- and the hottest scoop you can come up with is simply him leaving a baseball practice for a team that he was not apart of? Come on.

Let's move on to yet another article:

"Charlie Sheen has been texting several porn stars since he began treatment in his rehab program -- but TMZ has learned his messages are clear ... the party is OVER.

Among the messages Charlie has sent -- "Please lose the number, we are closed ... please drive through ... thank you."

Another text reads, "Right now we are on lockdown."

-http://www.tmz.com/2011/02/05/charlie-sheen-porn-stars-text-messages-closed-for-business-rehab-treatment-bender-two-and-a-half-men/

Charlie Sheen must be the only person that refers to not communicating with porn stars as "going on lockdown." Seriously though TMZ, leave the man alone already. Charlie Sheen not being able to befoul an underage Score.com chick, let alone resist the urge to text one of them without a picture of his Sheen - peen attached, must be like taking the guys first born child away.

Alright kiddos, I'm totally Sheened out. Until next time, stay strong and peace out.

-Andrew G. / Geno