Yes, Sarah Palin Sucks But Lets Move On With Our Lives

Before I actually go on to write this, I must inform all of you that I'm absolutely 100% against the policies of Sarah Palin and do believe her to be one of the biggest jokes in the history of politics. Only I, unlike so many Americans, have decided to move on with my life.

I recently wrote this on my facebook:

Making fun Sarah Palin, as retarded as she may be, does not make you a political satirist. It just proves you watch the Daily Show. good job.

I decided to delete it because it goes against one of my own rules against Facebook statuses and I also don't like posting Facebook shit out of anger. But before I could, I received a painfully over-prepared statement from someone who completely missed my point and who I've met maybe three or four times in my life. He also clearly missed the phrase "as retarded as she may be" because I'm obviously one of Ms. Palin's strongest supporters.

"I mean, you do realize that the incredibly vacuous comments she makes time and again--not to mention the ridiculous shit she does publicly--these exist independently of the singular TV program you've cited which merely capitalizes on them. You know this, right? Like, when she had crib notes on her fucking hand at that rally... that was a uh, real thing that happened in American history. Pretty sure Jon Stewart didn't employ some unique super sleuthing to find the absurdity in that.

The bone-chilling reality that there are people actually stupid enough to fanatically endorse her, all because they mysteriously gobble up the trite, folksy rhetoric she spouts off... it does nothing for ya, huh? Doesn't like... blow your fucking mind or nothin'? Mmmm, Okay... okay.."

Clearly he has thought about this before, and has probably rehearsed it many times in front of the giant pile of meat he's dressed up as Sarah Palin in his basement lair. The fact that someone was so unhealthily angry to write out such a retarded smorgasbord of ellipses and poorly developed thoughts, and send it to a stranger, completely proves my point that America is far too obsessed with Sarah Palin, who in reality is of no real danger to our country anymore.

Sarah Palin lost (and by a VERY large margin) on the losing ticket in the presidential election. Sarah Palin has endured (and yes, deservedly so) more public ridicule than every single person who has ever auditioned for American Idol and Milli Vanilli combined. She has set the female race back further than Amy Fisher or My Little Pony ever could. Of course Sarah Palin is an idiot. Children know she's an idiot. The dogs that pull her people's sleds know she's an idiot. I was playing my Wii and right after the warning message that told me not to swallow the Wii Remote it said "Sarah Palin is an idiot." Even video games know that Sarah Palin is an idiot. So explain to me how someone who's such a universal punchline can be such a threat to our livelihoods?

There's one line in his email that proves Sarah Palin can't even go to the Dairy Queen without getting pointed and laughed at by millions of paranoid, women-fearing Americans:

Like, when she had crib notes on her fucking hand at that rally... that was a uh, real thing that happened in American history.

That's right America. A politician that had to give an important address in front of a large group of people ACTUALLY HAD THE AUDACITY TO PREPARE A LIST OF NOTES. What a no good Godless traitor of our country.

Let's move on to another idiotic thing he writes:

"The bone-chilling reality that there are people actually stupid enough to fanatically endorse her all because they mysteriously gobble up the trite, folksy rhetoric she spouts off"

What? Who? I've met a lot of strange people who I thought never existed. I've met people with six fingers on one hand, citizens of Delaware and people who like Coyote Ugly. But not once have I ever met a vocal supporter of the Alaskan governor and certainly not someone who I'd consider a "fanatic endorser." Start taking your Paxil again buddy, because your paranoia has led you to believe things that don't actually exist. No one takes Sarah Palin seriously and the fact that you are even sarcastically referring to her incoherent babble as "trite, folksy rhetoric" is giving her way more credit than she could ever deserve. That's like sarcastically referring to someone with Down's Syndrome trying to speak as "trite, folksy rhetoric." You just sound like a total dick in saying it.

Has it occurred to anyone that maybe all this ridicule against a woman in power may be in someways destructive to the progress of female equality? Every time you make another tired, worn out Sarah-Palin-is-stupid joke, you in turn just remind us how we're still holding women in power to ridiculously higher standards than men, which is insane because we came this close to ELECTING A WOMAN PRESIDENT. Sure you can blame Sarah Palin for her existence and the Republican party for their promotion of her existence, but I feel the blame also lies on everyone like this kid who has Sarah Palin penis-envy for preventing a woman from ever seeing the oval office for a very, very long time.