Celtic Pride!

Tonight, we witness the attempt by one of the most storied NBA franchises and inspiration for one of the most underrated Judd Apatow movies to claim their eighteenth NBA championship and bring endless joy to the city of Boston. Though us Mass. natives may not express “joy” the same way you out-of-staters might. While the rest of the country may show your jubilation by singing songs, eating cake, and holding each other’s hands, Boston does things a little differently; more specifically, flipping over trucks and causing irreversible amounts of property damage. It may sound strange to rest of the pampered American society but I assure you that nothing says I LOVE MY CITY like setting it on fire.

And thus, I would like to take this time to run down the Celtics roster to those who are either non-basketball watchers or just think all black people look the same.

Paul Pierce

The Celtics team captain, Paul Pierce was bestowed the second coolest nickname from the guy with the first coolest nickname when Shaquille O’Neil dubbed him “The Truth.” Nevermind the fact that he’s been playing for Boston for over a decade nor the fact that he is consistently one of the highest-scorers on the team, Paul Pierce is the man for one reason: he got stabbed ELEVEN TIMES IN THE FACE* and had a beer bottle smashed over his head and not only survived, but didn’t miss a single game that season.

*Seriously, eleven times in the face. You would think even the most inexperienced stabber could hit vital vein or organ with that many attempts.



Glen Davis

Glen “Big Baby” Davis is a goddamn dinosaur. Seriously, the man was biochemically created from a the DNA they found in a fossilized misquito. It’s a true testament to Doc River’s coaching abilities that he was able to train Glen Davis to play a very solid defensive and offensive game and not just eat the basketball and all the players in front of him.



Kevin Garnett

Genius linguistics came up with the phrase “he’s such a G” just so that years later there could be a way to accurately describe Kevin Garnett. The acquisition, along with Ray Allen, that brought the Celtics franchise back to prominence, KG is the man on every level imaginable.









Rasheed Wallace

Rasheed Wallace is fucking insane. He’s also a a funny hat and couple of missing teeth away from legally being declared a Muppet (see right). A great defensive bench player and clutch 3pt hitter, Rasheed Wallace nevertheless ranks up their with “tall cliffs” and “dark alleys” in a list of “Things To Never Let Children Near.”






Annnd that’s all I feel like writing for now. See ya on the streets of Boston!

Git ir done,
-Andrew G / Geno

Challenge Unlocked: Real Life (Memorial Day, Things on the Horizion)

For those of you with less of a life than me, then you'd probably noticed that this has been the longest gap in time since I've showered America with laughs and good times in the form of a blog post. Does this temporary absence mean a resurgence to blog writing, with a brand-spanking new direction and updates being more and more frequent?

FUCK NO I'VE BEEN BUSY. Between graduating, watching my friends graduating, going to parties celebrating people graduating, and using poor grammar, I is finding my time to be more and more consumed with an abundance of mostly unproductive shit. Plus I'm an adult now. That's right. A martini drinking, time-share owning, Microsoft stock trading GROWN UP. Goodbye Justin Bieber hello Stone Phillips, Andrew G has finally made it to the big leagues, and things are about to get messy!

Memorial Day weekend I had my first paying job at Camp Harvard. During Alumni Reunion weekend, many of the well-to-do graduates of the ivy league institution bring their children along with them and need responsible caretakers to look after them while they get drunk from 8:30am to 12:30am. Unfortunately there's a national shortage of responsible caretakers these days and they had to settle with myself and a bunch of my friends from Springfield College, who in no way fit the description of "responsible caretakers".

I had to look after a seven year old named Andrew. I thought the fact that we had the same name would provide us with hours of entertainment, but this kid couldn't have been more uninterested that someone had the same name as him. This was the first indicator that I was dealing with a child who was way, way smarter than me.

As I'm putting this kid to bed, he asks me "Hey Andrew do you want something to read?"

"Sure" I replied, assuming it was going to be something like the Polar Express or something. Nope, he brings me back Point Blank by Anthony Horowitz. POINT fucking BLANK. This kid is seven. At seven, I didn't even know what an Anthony Horowitz was.

To make matters worse, his father and mother were both pastors, which I inferred as "the two poorest Harvard graduates." As the father goes to tip me, he reaches into his wallet and starts to pull out a bill. "Nah," he says "You deserve another one."

The guy gives me TWO five dollar bills. I wasn't sure what to be more angry about; the fact that he only gave me ten dollars or that he was actually debating whether or not to give me half that. Luckily the kid was probably the most well behaved kid I've ever met and he certainly didn't give me any trouble. So I wasn't really that upset.

Not to get the hopes up of the three people that probably read this thing, but I may have some very exciting news this Sunday. I know its been a while but fear not, I shall return.

AMERICA!

Andrew G. / Geno