Every Monday night, millions of teens and young adults who are confused abut their sexuality tune in to watch the weekly antics of Ted Mosby (top right, homo) trying to find the perfect mate he can call his wife on the hit CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother. I used to watch the show regularly but after having the CBS executives ignore my thousands of hand-written letters that suggested they nix the current show concept and make it about solely about the sexual escapades of "Unleash the Dragon" writer Sisqo (bottom right, what a real man looks like), I went on an indefinite boycott of the show.
After having my dreams of How Sisqo Fucked Your Mother: The Next Generation shattered by the CBS / Paramount suits, I thought was the last straw that made me decide that CBS was the embodiment of evil. After giving the Price is Right to Drew Carey and not Jay Peterman and giving Charlie Sheen a starring role in Two and a Half Men, I thought they couldn't go any lower. That is until I saw The Big Bang Theory.
I shouldn't have to tell you The Big Bang Theory is bad. That should be like telling you not to put your dick inside of animals at the zoo, and if you somehow do get your dick inside of one of them, you should NEVER mistake that experience for the carnal pleasures you get from screwing. Then again, as the Internet will show you time and time again, there are people out there who not only willfully put their penises inside of zoo creatures, but create and publish glamour shots of themselves doing it. So I guess do I have to tell you how bad The Big Bang Theory is after all.
After challenging my brain to come up with a relatable metaphor that I could use to accurately describe this stupid fucking show I came up with this: Watching The Big Bang Theory is like taking a science test in sixth grade only to lift your head up and find your balding, under-sexed teacher staring and winking suggestively at you in the creepiest way possible. There's a certain dirty feeling you get from watching that's not unlike going through grandma's black-on-black porno stash. Only watching this show makes you wanna stop what you're doing and confess your sins to the closest available priest a lot sooner.
The Big Bang Theory is about two Cal-Tech who we're supposed to accept as brilliant physicists, not just two raving social-defects who we would want to punch in the face.
*CURRENTLY UNFINISHED*
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